i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
