dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
