I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
