i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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