I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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