I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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