Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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