She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
