I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
