I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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