I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
