I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
