I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
