Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize