a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
