I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
