you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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