I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
