Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
