We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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