i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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