My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think my vagina is haunted
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
send nudes
from the living room?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
