she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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