I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My vagina just clenched in fear
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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