idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
