I wanna passion pit in your ass
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
