my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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