I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
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oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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