Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
