dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We got so high we made milksteak
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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