So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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