Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
