Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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