We won't sleep together?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Randomize
