He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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