I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
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I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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