Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
