I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At least life still wants to fuck me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
