Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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