Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
