Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
