Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
