omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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