i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
