Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
