O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
