I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize