I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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