is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
