We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
