Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
