i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
