I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
where are you?
Hypothermia
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize