then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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