in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm passing your future prison.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
