3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
