Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
