I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
