You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
