I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
