brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My liver just broke up with me...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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