Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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