I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
