He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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