my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
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normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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