Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
