seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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