so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
