Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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