Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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