So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
