its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
