She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
