Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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