By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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