Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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