You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
