Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Who died my cat blue again?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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