jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
