she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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