Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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