he wants to bone in the snuggie
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
