That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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