dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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