No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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