I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
