I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
