My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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