I want to walk on stilts...naked
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
