i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And then my night got REAL pukey
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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