i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
