My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
